I spend a lot of my time complaining about what I don't have or how it's not good enough for me, but today I am taking a moment to step back and dedicate this blog to the most amazing person in the world. She is my rock, and I am so lucky to have her.
Her name is Erin, and I haven't known her more than 5 years, but I am a completely different person because of her. I used to be one of those... I don't get a fuck show no emotion type of people but after meeting her I became one big ball of softy.
She has been struggling with some problems lately, and I know its been hard on her. She struggles to see what other people see in her sometimes, as if she is looking into a cursed mirror show the reflection of her greatest fears. So I am gunna start by saying some of the things she believe to be true that she told me, and then I am going to tell you what I see.
"I feel fat" - I have known her before her eating disorder was full blown and even then she was not fat. She was wasn't even average, I had always seen her as small. Then the first time I actually pay attention, I was blown away by how amazing her body was. How her stomach was flat, sculpted...sexy. Her legs were muscular but so feminine at the same time. She has the sexiest skin I have EVER seen, it was soft and smooth...unlike anything I had ever seen before. I could have spent hours drooling at her body wishing it was mine, and even now I see a beautiful woman.
"I have to be perfect" - If you have ever met this girl you will find her better than perfect. She is bloody brilliant (Harry Potter reference thank you very much.) I take every opportunity I can to brag about her, so with that said this girl got into both John Hopkins AND Harvard. She has the heart two the normal size, and she is stronger than Superman. She is sweeter than a double doozie cookie, and caring like a saint. She is athletic and can run further than any creature I have ever seen. On top of all of that she is soo god damn beautiful, prettier than any angel I have ever seen. And she is determined, she knows what she wants in life, even if it is a little hard for her to see now....she knows what she wants in the end. She is perfect.
Erin is my best friend and someone I hold dear to me, if I could trade places with her I would. If I could give her anything in the world I would. If I can take it all away I would. If I could give up everything I have and will get in life for her to finally get the chance to shine I would. I would go through anything to see her smile, and no it wasn't a lie anymore. She saved me from myself, and I will always be there to save her from herself and the rest of the world.
Sometime I get scared I am going to lose her to this eating disorder, and I try and imagine what life would be without her. I sit there and I try and try to imagine it, but I finally realized I can't do it. Not because I am scared to know, but because there is no life without her. I could imagine getting out of bed and going other to look at the picture of her and know there would be no more, there would be no more Skype calls, no letters, no emails, no messages on messanger, no phone calls where I hear her voice. She is my motivation, to keep going when things get hard, because I know that she deserves the best I can give and the best is what I plan on giving her.
One day I hope on giving her everything she could ever want in life. I would give my life for her if she asked, though I hope she doesn't. If I could give her anything I would give her happiness from the day she woke up till she went to bed. I would promise her no more tears, or fights. It would all be peace and there would be no more heart break and pain. I would take it all away if I could. I would do anything and everything for her.
Now there's a song I want to quote, because this is a song that is about her. I swear it is.
Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day
Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are
Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day
Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are
Erin, beautiful you are my world, my everything, my angel, my best friend, and the love of my life. I will never let you fall, and I think you are so amazing. I know you can get through this and I know you are strong enough to fight. Girl its gunna be ok, so have faith and remember that its about just taking a step not winning the race all at once.
Always and Forever
